Trying to write fiction.

I am currently writing a fictional short story about Frank. A young adult who stumbles upon a TV infomercial claiming to offer a service that is better than life insurance. I hope I can finish it by Friday for my "Fictional Friday" series that I want to start.

Death and taxes. A phone support story.

Declaration

I just want to state for the record that I have been using computers since 1992. I know what I'm doing when I sit in front of a computer. 

The issue

I work in the family business and I handle all the admin work. I do paper work for the government agencies to keep the business up to date with all the requirements. I registered the company for VAT stuff but apparently there was a typo in the entity name and it needs to be changed.

The thing is, to change anything in you VAT file you have to update everything. Even if there is to update at all. They ask you to upload the company's license and managers passport and ID. Nothing has changed since I last updated but I still have to go through all this bullshit.

Death and Taxes

The saying goes that there two things certain in life, they are Death and Taxes. This rings true from the United States to the United Arab Emirates. 

Here is the tax website dying, though.

I'm trying to upload documents to the website but it keeps giving me this error. I'm not uploading pornography by the way.

Phone support

I love calling support. They are very courteous and genuinely want to help. The problem is that in the UAE they just hire jobbers who just spew script in your face. They have no background knowledge about what they are supposed to be "supporting". 

I choose English support, because the typo was in the English name of the company. I didn't want to talk to someone who wont understand what's wrong with the English name. 

To reach a talking human being, you have to go though the menu, of course. Also, you have to listen to them advertise their "tax clinic" hours which are happening all through out the northern Emirates. 2 minutes of this crap. I'm busy and I'm calling from my mobile, so can we get this over with? Button mashing didn't skip the advertisement.

So I get to the human finally. We go through the introductions and can I have your name please. I explain my issue that the website is dying on me. She then assumes that I have never used a computer before. She even had the audacity to tell to look up the technical guide for applying for an amendment on the tax website. Boo, this is not my first rodeo with applications in general and your website specifically.

-Can you use a different browser?

-Did you delete cache and history?

-Try again.

Ma'am I have degree in computering. Is what I should have told her and it would have passed as a real thing. Alas, I say maybe she's right? So I do all the unnecessary and unrelated bullshit she told me I should do in order to make the website work for few minutes. Surprise, same error. 

I think I'll give the website a few days, there is probably a server error that unfortunately phone support is unaware of.

Do you have a phone support story?

The one time customer service almost called me a bitch.

Greetings foodies. I have a story to tell you from the depths of food customer service.

Back sotry

So I was hungry, surprise surprise. When I am hungry I browse the zomato app for a few minutes and then cook myself something at home. This time, though, I wanted to eat shawerma. Obviously I can't cook that. I ordered A large shawerma and a large "hot potato" sandwich. 

The order came and I paid without looking what at was in the bag the delivery guy gave me. Lo' and behold the order is wrong. A large potato sandwich and a small shawerma. 

What do I do? should I call and tell them the order is wrong? Nah, I'll eat first and ask questions later.

First contact

 

 As you can see, I am very straight to the point on this one. I don't want any confusion to happen. You might ask me why did you send this after eating? Well it was sort of an experiment as well as good post material.

Testing the CS rep

So the rep was nice enough to ask for a replacement for my sandwich. I really appreciate him doing that, honestly. But, the restaurant called me and I didn't answer. 

The reason I didn't answer is I don't want to talk to someone to give me a free sandwich really. I'll just take the loss instead of being put in that situation. Also, I ordered through zomato, if any fuck up happens zomato should correct it.

The rep is clearly unimpressed by this.

 He almost called me a bitch here. I am waitingm 👍

Uh-oh the rep has something to say

This is unfamiliar territory for me, someone has a speech to give me about ordering food through apps. 

Come on! Tell me if I really am the bitch in this scenario.

I'm sorry I already consumed the food items but you know that. I have proof!

Well there you have it folks. They side with customers and not restaurants. So if you are planning on opening up shop keep this in mind. Or maybe the rep is just dumb and doesn't know. That's why you just don't go off "saying something" to people, you might get caught saying the wrong thing for the wrong reasons.

Ending

I did get a replacement sandwich for free. I want to thank the rep for his work. I'd also like to thank the restaurant for actually giving me the replacement which I didn't think I'd get.

What happened to you when zomato fucked up your order?

Aesthetics.

Ya, I know big words.

I can't change the way I look that much because my head is basically a cue ball. I try to change my aesthetic using accessories and facial hair. In this post I will tell you notable stories related to changing my look.

Facial Hair

Before I had the beard I went with my friend to the barber to get my hair did. Told the guy to give me a buzz cut on 0 and to trim the beard to 2. As he was working he told me why don't you just shave the head with a razor. I told him "yea go ahead". After that was done he told me that a 1.5 trim for the beard will be more aesthetic. Yea go ahead. He asked if I wanted a face mask or whatever. Yea go ahead. You want a shoulder massage? Yea go ahead. After we were done I retold my friend that I just kept agreeing to whatever the barber asked me to do. His reply was "This is how it usually starts".

Rings

I wanted to go with the traditional Egyptian "Se'eedy" aesthetic so I bought a ring. It was actually quite cool to go and buy my first ring. I bought it from Khan El Khalili. 

I went through a few stores to get the ring but, one store really stood out to me. I went in and asked for silver rings. The guy didn't even talk to me and handed me a tray with rings on it. I tried on a few and asked for their prices. He would punch in the prices on a calculator. "80" "120" etc. Why is he not talking? He began to become a little animated by the fourth ring, stomping the numbers on the calculator. So just to twist the knob a bit I asked if he had any more rings to show me. He replied to me in what I think was Arabic. I say think because I could not understand what he said. But the implication was no. Hands crossing and all.

Sunglasses

 I decided to splurge on a pair of sunglasses because I had a lot of money, and there was a sale on souq.com. Rayban aviators for 300? I'll have a pair please! The problem lies in the fact that I also wear prescription glasses and I need to get new lenses for the sunglasses. So I go to the glasses store (Optometrist? Optician?) and ask them to make me a pair of lenses with my old prescription. The sales guy begins to sell me his stuff. First he butters me up with a piece of toffee. You have my attention. He then proceeds to explain to me the benefit of getting polarized because they do light reduction magic. Also, the side facing your face should be green as it give a natural "color tone" to what you see. The only thing I asked was for the lenses to reflect so as to not show my eyes when someone is looking at me. "Yes of course" the sales man said. How much? 800. Well, ok I guess, I am getting the best lenses on the market. So I give him the down payment and leave.

Two days later I get a call to come and receive my stuff. The lenses weren't reflective. I paid the rest and took the sunglasses.I immediately point out the issue. The guy gets all defensive and says that those lenses can't be reflective because his mom didn't teach him not to lie. Anyway he says he will give me a free pair of lenses if accept it the way it is. I say I don't want it I'll just take the shit I didn't order and pay for it anyway. What a big boy I am, amirite?

Have you had any funny stories with aesthetics? Critiquing my actions is off the table I will fight you.

 

I fail to see the connection.

Occasionally a conversation will have take a turn to unrelated topics. I am sometimes guilty of doing that. But, in others, I am on the receiving end of the unexpected switch.

I was traveling once from Cairo to Abu Dhabi. After serving lunch/dinner on the plane they usually ask (as if to try to avoid serving) tea or coffee. So, what happened was, this cute stawrdess/cabin crew/air hostess comes and asks me if I want tea or coffee. I am a coffee kinda a guy. I drink it black because I am hardcore or whatever. But I digress. I ask her if she has any tea.
She goes: "yea we do, we have black tea, green tea and earl grey. What would you like?"
I say: "Ok give me coffee"
She smiled and said "ok, but we are out of coffee. I'll make you something better! Its coffee with hot chocolate" (apparently that's a mocha). And she does. Did I have a chance with her? I will never know. I avoided her for the rest of the flight.

So to recap the last story:

1. Asking about tea.
2. Ordering a coffee.
3. Getting served a mocha.
4. Wondering if I had a chance with the stewardess.

Here's another incident, but instead, this time I am the one receiving the ol'switcheroo.

I grew my beard out for a while. It wasn't huge or anything. Small enough to be a fashion statement and not big enough to be an identity thing. I trimmed it one day and went straight to work. My coworkers looked at me with confused astonishment. One of them and came up to me and asked why I had trimmed it. I said because it felt disgusting after a while and I wanted to change. Another guy jumps in and tells me to keep it trimmed as I look better this way. Thank you thank you. First guy agrees and asks me when I am going to get married. "What?"

Recap:

1. Trim beard.
2. Get asked why I did it.
3. Receive compliment.
4. Unload the marriage question salvo.

Were you ever in a similar situation where the conversation or your thought process took an unexpected turn? Share away.

Revisitng my name.

Earlier I posted about the adventures I face with my name. But I was thinking about it last night and I want to write a follow up for it.

You see, I said my name translates to salve of Allah. That is  mistranslated. We always say that we are all worshipers of Allah. I don't want to push my faith on you. If you don't agree with that statement, I honestly don't give a damn. You do you. But I digress. So if we are all worshipers of Allah where does the slave come?

So the word often used is transliterated as "Ibad Allah". If we said "Abeed Allah" that would mean slaves of Allah. Why did I write that it was slave of Allah?

I was at a comedy show by Yalla Laughs Abu Dhabi (great shows go check them out). The comedian asked me for my name and I simply replied Abdel. He said "and what does that mean" i replied servant. He then went on about he was told it was slave of Allah and a quick quip about slaves and such.

Now getting jabbed like that let me accept that it was in fact slave. But no I read up a bit on it and contemplated the whole thing. My conclusion is that it is worshiper of Allah not slave of.

Don't get me wrong, Abd does mean slave in some contexts but in this one it means worshiper.

So to the guy having a jab at my name, you have been given a wrong information by an illiterate hack who thinks he knows Arabic.

Ciao

Venom..... I got the adrenaline momentum

Possible spoilers
I recently went to watch Venom with my friends. I'm not a movie critic, so allow me to criticize this movie.

Hype

At first I was very hyped to watch this movie because: Tom Hardy. Who doesn't like Tom Hardy, am I right? I let the movie sit in the cinemas a few days before I decided to go. The critic reviews at first were bad but viewers liked it. I am little bit skeptical of the viewer reviews because of the fiasco that was the WAKANDA flick. So I opted to just watch it at home when it comes out.


More Hype

Browsing youtube, I found the new Eminem album. *click*. A few songs in and I hear the Venom soundtrack. Typical Eminem style music. I really liked the soundtrack and we have a meme going on between my friends. VENOMMMMMM. What the hell lets go watch it.

The movie

We went to Marina Mall cinema and booked the 9:10 show. Three seats in the VIP cuz that's just how we roll baby. They don't even check where you sit *wink*.
The movie itself was good to my surprise. Although, it had some forced comedy in it but not that bad either.
Anyway it turns that venom is the good guy... I thought he was villain but maybe I am mixing it up here.

Just go watch the movie if you get the chance.

4.5 out of 5 surprisingly good.